They’re sweet, tall, dark, handsome, and we just can’t get enough of them! And then there’s also our boyfriends/husbands… they come in pretty handy too! But the real truth is that most times, owning a horse is extremely similar, if not better than having a boyfriend? Don’t believe us? Check out our entertaining list comparing the similarities and advantages/disadvantages of men vs horses!
Horse: He’s tall muscular and handsome.
Boyfriend/Husband: He’s no Chris Helmsworth, but he’ll do.
Horse: Happiest to see you when you have food.
Boyfriend/Husband: Happiest to see you when you have food.
Horse: Costs you a lot of money to keep.
Boyfriend/Husband: Saves you money by keeping one.
Horse: Doesn’t always want to be ridden.
Boyfriend/Husband: Always wants to be ridden.
Horse: Breaks things you have to fix.
Boyfriend/Husband: Fixes things you break.
Horse: Is always on time. (You’re the one that’s late)
Boyfriend/Husband: Is always late.
Horse: Leaves his “shit” all over the place for you to clean.
Boyfriend/Husband: Leaves his “shit” all over the place for you to clean. (Seriously, the house is a mess…)
Horse: Doesn’t always listen to what you tell him to do.
Boyfriend/Husband: Doesn’t always listen to what you tell him to do.
Horse: Doesn’t care how you’re dressed or if your hair is a mess.
Boyfriend/Husband: If you want him to pay, at least try to look like a girl on date night.
Horse: You spend a fortune buying him things.
Boyfriend/Husband: He spends a fortune buying you things.
Horse: You still have PTSD from your horse’s behavior last horse show.
Boyfriend/Husband: You can’t take him anywhere.
Horse: You just can’t stay mad at that face.
Boyfriend/Husband: You can’t remember the last time you weren’t mad at him.
Horse: Would prefer if you didn’t ever gain a lot of weight.
Boyfriend/Husband: Would prefer if you didn’t ever gain a lot of weight.
Horse: Helps you to relax after a bad day.
Boyfriend/Husband: Contributes to the reasons you need to go ride your horse to relax after a bad day.
Horse: Can be stubborn, but will let you win an argument after a few rounds.
Boyfriend/Husband: He’s so stubborn you’re surprised he’s not half donkey.
Horse: Complains when you’re riding him too much.
Boyfriend/Husband: Complains if you’re not riding him enough.
Horse: Lets you fuss over him as much as you want, as long as he can eat at the same time. Doesn’t care. PDA all day every day.
Boyfriend/Husband: Hates when you’re a stage 5 clinger.
Horse: The way to his heart is through his stomach.
Boyfriend/Husband: The way to his heart is through his stomach.
Horse: Needs reassurance that he’s making you happy and doing the right thing.
Boyfriend/Husband: Needs to reassurance you appreciate everything he does for you.
Horse: Will never call you crazy.
Boyfriend/Husband: Well… what did you do?
Horse: Will never ask you to meet his mom, even if she’s in the stall next to him.
Boyfriend/Husband: Needs to have dinner at mom’s at least once a week because she cooks better than you.
Horse: Gets cranky when he’s hungry.
Boyfriend/Husband: Gets cranky when he’s hungry.
Horse: Constantly running up crazy vet bills.
Boyfriend/Husband: His job has excellent health benefits.
Horse: You always have to do his laundry.
Boyfriend/Husband: You always have to do his laundry.
Horse: Works out 3-6 days a week.
Boyfriend/Husband: Thinks his gym membership is still active.
Horse: Allows you to make mistakes, sometimes.
Boyfriend/Husband: Reminds you of your mistakes during every argument.
Horse: Always knows when its your birthday… you come to the barn to ride him on the same day each year.
Boyfriend/Husband: Never remembers when it’s your birthday.
Horse: Mature around 5-6+ years old.
Boyfriend/Husband: 30+ years and you may still be holding your breath…
Horse: Sometimes he’ll give you a few “bucks” when he’s feeling generous.
Boyfriend/Husband: Two words… joint checking.
Horse: Never too busy to hang out with you.
Boyfriend/Husband: Sometimes you wish he had more friends…
Horse: Finds creative ways to avoid doing work.
Boyfriend/Husband: Finds creative ways to avoid doing work.
Horse: If your horse is too much to handle, or gets out of line, you can remove his testicles.
Boyfriend/Husband: If only it were possible.
Horse: His socks are always dirty.
Boyfriend/Husband: His socks are always dirty.
Horse: Doesn’t care if you talk too much. Cares even less if you have food.
Boyfriend/Husband: Cherishes your moments of silence. Is more tolerant if you’re serving food.
Horse: A daily ride lasts between 25 -45 minutes.
Boyfriend/Husband: Between 60 seconds and 5 minutes if you’re lucky.
Horse: They have no shame farting around you.
Boyfriend/Husband: After the honeymoon stage, all bets are off.
Horse: Never forget the ones who touched your heart.
Boyfriend/Husband: Ohhh yea! He was fun. What was his name?
Horse: Won’t always communicate if something’s bothering him.
Boyfriend/Husband: Won’t always communicate if something’s bothering him.
Horse: It hurts when he dumps you.
Horse: They’re tolerant of whips, spurs and leather.
Boyfriend/Husband: Sure, I mean, hell yea, if that’s what you’re into…
Horse: They don’t care if you eat like a horse.
Boyfriend/Husband: Waiter, “Here’s your salad.”
Horse: You can make money if you get rid of them.
Boyfriend/Husband: Depends on how long you’ve been married or what that CZ bracelet is going for at the pawn shop.
Horse: Doesn’t mind if you spend time with other studs.
Boyfriend/Husband: Checks your call log on your phone and wants to know when you’ll be home.
Horse: At the end of a long ride, you always get off.
Boyfriend/Husband: umm… [crickets]
Horse: You always feel an amazing joy in your heart when you see him.
Boyfriend/Husband: You always feel an amazing joy in your heart when you see him, only because he just bought you a horse.