The Hilarious Truth to How Owning a Horse is Similar, if Not Better than Having a Man

 

They’re sweet, tall, dark, handsome, and we just can’t get enough of them!  And then there’s also our boyfriends/husbands… they come in pretty handy too!   But the real truth is that most times, owning a horse is extremely similar, if not better than having a boyfriend?  Don’t believe us?   Check out our entertaining list comparing the similarities and advantages/disadvantages of men vs horses!

 

Horse:  He’s tall muscular and handsome.

Boyfriend/Husband:  He’s no Chris Helmsworth, but he’ll do.

 

Horse:  Happiest to see you when you have food.

Boyfriend/Husband: Happiest to see you when you have food.

 

 

Horse:  Costs you a lot of money to keep.

Boyfriend/Husband:  Saves you money by keeping one.

 

Horse:  Doesn’t always want to be ridden.

Boyfriend/Husband:  Always wants to be ridden.

 

Horse: Breaks things you have to fix.

Boyfriend/Husband: Fixes things you break.

 

Horse: Is always on time.  (You’re the one that’s late)

Boyfriend/Husband: Is always late.

 

Horse: Leaves his “shit” all over the place for you to clean.

Boyfriend/Husband:  Leaves his “shit” all over the place for you to clean.  (Seriously, the house is a mess…)

 

Horse:  Doesn’t always listen to what you tell him to do.

Boyfriend/Husband:  Doesn’t always listen to what you tell him to do.

 

Horse:  Doesn’t care how you’re dressed or if your hair is a mess.

Boyfriend/Husband:  If you want him to pay, at least try to look like a girl on date night.

 

Horse:  You spend a fortune buying him things.

Boyfriend/Husband:  He spends a fortune buying you things.

 

Horse:  You still have PTSD from your horse’s behavior last horse show.

Boyfriend/Husband:  You can’t take him anywhere.

 

Horse:  You just can’t stay mad at that face.

Boyfriend/Husband:  You can’t remember the last time you weren’t mad at him.

 

Horse:  Would prefer if you didn’t ever gain a lot of weight.

Boyfriend/Husband:  Would prefer if you didn’t ever gain a lot of weight.

 

Horse:  Helps you to relax after a bad day.

Boyfriend/Husband:  Contributes to the reasons you need to go ride your horse to relax after a bad day.

 

Horse:  Can be stubborn, but will let you win an argument after a few rounds.

Boyfriend/Husband:  He’s so stubborn you’re surprised he’s not half donkey.

 

Horse:  Complains when you’re riding him too much.

Boyfriend/Husband:  Complains if you’re not riding him enough.

 

Horse:  Lets you fuss over him as much as you want, as long as he can eat at the same time.  Doesn’t care. PDA all day every day.

Boyfriend/Husband:  Hates when you’re a stage 5 clinger.

 

Horse:  The way to his heart is through his stomach.

Boyfriend/Husband:  The way to his heart is through his stomach.

 

Horse:  Needs reassurance that he’s making you happy and doing the right thing.

Boyfriend/Husband:   Needs to reassurance you appreciate everything he does for you.

 

Horse:  Will never call you crazy.

Boyfriend/Husband:  Well… what did you do?

 

Horse:  Will never ask you to meet his mom, even if she’s in the stall next to him.

Boyfriend/Husband:  Needs to have dinner at mom’s at least once a week because she cooks better than you.

 

Horse:  Gets cranky when he’s hungry.

Boyfriend/Husband:  Gets cranky when he’s hungry.

 

Horse:  Constantly running up crazy vet bills.

Boyfriend/Husband:  His job has excellent health benefits.

 

Horse:  You always have to do his laundry.

Boyfriend/Husband:  You always have to do his laundry.

 

Horse:  Works out 3-6 days a week.

Boyfriend/Husband:  Thinks his gym membership is still active.

 

Horse:  Allows you to make mistakes, sometimes.

Boyfriend/Husband:  Reminds you of your mistakes during every argument.

Horse:  Always knows when its your birthday… you come to the barn to ride him on the same day each year.

Boyfriend/Husband:  Never remembers when it’s your birthday.

 

Horse:  Mature around 5-6+ years old.

Boyfriend/Husband:  30+ years and you may still be holding your breath…

 

Horse:  Sometimes he’ll give you a few “bucks” when he’s feeling generous.

Boyfriend/Husband:  Two words… joint checking.

 

Horse:  Never too busy to hang out with you.

Boyfriend/Husband:  Sometimes you wish he had more friends…

Horse:  Finds creative ways to avoid doing work.

Boyfriend/Husband:  Finds creative ways to avoid doing work.

 

Horse:  If your horse is too much to handle, or gets out of line, you can remove his testicles.

Boyfriend/Husband:  If only it were possible.

 

Horse:  His socks are always dirty.

Boyfriend/Husband:  His socks are always dirty.

 

Horse:  Doesn’t care if you talk too much.  Cares even less if you have food.

Boyfriend/Husband:  Cherishes your moments of silence.   Is more tolerant if you’re serving food.

 

Horse:  A daily ride lasts between 25 -45 minutes.

Boyfriend/Husband:  Between 60 seconds and 5 minutes if you’re lucky.

 

Horse:  They have no shame farting around you.

Boyfriend/Husband:  After the honeymoon stage, all bets are off.

 

Horse:  Never forget the ones who touched your heart.

Boyfriend/Husband:  Ohhh yea! He was fun.  What was his name?

 

Horse:  Won’t always communicate if something’s bothering him.

Boyfriend/Husband:  Won’t always communicate if something’s bothering him.

 

Horse:  It hurts when he dumps you.

Boyfriend/Husband:  Next!

 

Horse:  They’re tolerant of whips, spurs and leather.

Boyfriend/Husband:  Sure, I mean, hell yea, if that’s what you’re into…

 

Horse:  They don’t care if you eat like a horse.

Boyfriend/Husband:  Waiter, “Here’s your salad.”

 

Horse:  You can make money if you get rid of them.

Boyfriend/Husband:  Depends on how long you’ve been married or what that CZ bracelet is going for at the pawn shop.

 

Horse:  Doesn’t mind if you spend time with other studs.

Boyfriend/Husband:  Checks your call log on your phone and wants to know when you’ll be home.

 

Horse:  At the end of a long ride, you always get off.

Boyfriend/Husband:  umm…   [crickets]

 

Horse:  You always feel an amazing joy in your heart when you see him.

Boyfriend/Husband:  You always feel an amazing joy in your heart when you see him, only because he just bought you a horse.